INDEPTH: KAZUYA

[CAIRO]

My name is Kazuya Kitagawa.

I am the son of a wealthy businessman, a founder of a chain of Hotel's established in Japan, South Korea, London, France, and the United States (western U.S, regardless. Particularly California and Washington). For as long as I could remember, my life has not been exactly ordinary. In such cases, rumors of my father being close associates with the Russian Mafiya are well known, yet incapable of being proven. The fact that he is also homosexual, and in love with his childhood lover also highlights many news stations and paparazzi stories. The sort of people who enjoy watching us as if we were some sort of scandalous lifestyle, yet in reality we're nothing of the sort. I have four younger siblings; Meisa, Haruki, Ryouta, and Makoto respectively. I am the eldest, therefore I must exhibit much responsibility and maturity. To keep the home orderly while my father leaves for business trips, as his lover is a failure at being a housewife. To ensure all my siblings attend school, are fed, and are not hassled by annoying reporters. Rather, those were my duties before my parents separated.

My mother is an amazing British woman by the name of Winifred. I admire her, and from her I have learned how to be a mature adult. My father is irresponsible and inept sometimes, so it leaves me to wonder how they even came together. Though I have his short temper and recklessness, Mother has claimed that I have her eyes, passion, and tenderness. So I believe it is a fair trade for the qualities my father has passed to me. I personally do not mind Faolan, my father's childhood lover, and current. However, even I have days where I would prefer he act like an adult, and not one of my siblings. Yet, my duty as the eldest cannot be shirked, and I will never complain. For these are my family members, and despite how frequent they annoy me, I love them.

We do not live luxurious, contrary to popular belief. When little, we did live in a Mansion and have a few servants from what I can remember, but such a lifestyle wasn't fitting for our parents, whom claimed living as such would 'ruin our humanity'. We are to grow up into mature, responsible people, who are not spoiled by the fruits of wealth and success. We are to pave our own way to success, not rely on others to suckle from their teet. Our home is that of a Middle Class families, no servants, five bedrooms and two extra rooms. Okay, perhaps that isn't what one would identify as 'Middle Class', but you must forgive me, I am used to much more.

I am also in a homosexual relationship.

His name is Alarik, and I am unsure how I fell for him. I believe it was he who made the first move; that night he stood there, crying, and in absolute annoyance raged at me for my obliviousness to his feelings. He is a jealous type, clingy, needy, and obsessive. Yet despite all of this, I really do enjoy his company. He's a prude when it comes to sex, almost to the point I think he's completely asexual. We haven't had intimate relationships other than giving each other blowjobs on occasion, and sometimes I grow... really tired. His nagging, his impulsive attitude. That's probably why I fell for his friend, Luca. It started on impulse and as a mistake, but then it just... didn't feel bad anymore. I am a Sagittarius, so my desire to be free is overwhelming, unless I am kept from being bored. Luca kept me entertained. Completely willing to give me his whole body, equally as aggressive as I was, and there was a light hearted aura that radiated through the room as we messed around practically all night. Why is it that I still felt guilty?

I love Alarik, I do. But sometimes I wish he were less uptight. If he were more playful, if he smiled more, if he wasn't so rebellious. He's totally incapable of cleaning or cooking, and at the same time, lacks the compassion one would give to their lover when the moment is right. Why is it that I love him? I should hate him. I should be fed up with him, and his horrible personality. I deserve better. But for some reason, at the end of the day, when he lays his head on my chest and looks up at me... I could swear that his cheeks are reddened by a blush, and that his heart is beating in his throat in love. I guess I am really oblivious, despite claiming to be so observant. I don't know what to do... I don't like this feeling of restriction, and I swear Alarik makes me want to hit him! But I never do. I can't.

I just... love him.

My goal in life is to be free. I want to travel, or join the Military. I'd be amazing in a Jet, or a Helicopter. But I don't want to give up the pleasures of life, such as my love life, or meeting new people. I'll travel, I'll go from country to country with whomever is currently by my side. Be it Alarik, or Luca. Hell, if Alarik wasn't so clingy, I would be a polyamorous asshole. But to him, love is only a deed between two people. He can only love one person, and despite my heart having a larger capacity, I say nothing. I will love him until he tires of me, or I break down. I will love him until I hate him, and can no longer tolerate his imperfections and his face. If he wants all of my love, he will eventually have to accept me and show me what I want to see. Adoration. Kind words, affection, a smile that isn't a cocky smirk once in awhile. He will have to become cute for me.

Or I will disappear without a trace...